"Twilight Love"
It's Never Too Late
I remember when I first heard about online dating.
It was a handful of days into the new year in 2000. I was having lunch with a friend who I had not seen for some time.
Our conversation began in the usual fashion: how you doing? What’s new? That sort of thing.
It was then that my friend, Tony, announced that he had been online dating. “I’ve been out every night this week,” he said.
I worked up what I hoped was my most sympathetic look and said, “Oh, Tony! Has it come to that?”
“What do you mean?”
“ You’re dating women who can’t find someone any other way?”
“Oh, no! These women are professionals – in fact, Tuesday it was a lawyer, Thursday’s was a dentist. Don’t think for a second that they’re losers! And they’re all really attractive, too.”
Needless to say, I was instantly intrigued, being divorced and single myself. My uneducated view of online dating was immediately set straight.
I jumped into the fray the next day and was amazed at the world that opened up to me. Online dating, its potential issues aside, works. I met my second wife online, as well as my current partner who I met when I was 70.
So, for me and for many others I know, this civilized way of meeting potential mates works very well. And it sure beats hanging around in bars.
The New York Times ran a story last month about the seniors dating scene in China. Some startling numbers jump out: China will have 400 million people over the age of 65 within 30 years. Right now, today, there are more over 65s in China than any other country in the world.
So, how are older Chinese handling the dating scene? Well, if the story is accurate, then the answer is not very well. There are plenty who are divorced or widowed and lonely. In the city of Shanghai, they gather at the same park several days a week, searching, in the hopes of finding someone with whom they click.
The reporter couldn’t find a single person who was successful in their search. It seems to be the late-in-life version of going to bars to meet someone but without the alcohol and loud music.
These older Chinese know about dating sites but, for reasons not clearly enunciated in the article, they don’t bother. They certainly go online to buy things but not to meet others like themselves.
At first blush, what may seem like a fruitless waste of time, schlepping to a park twice a week, sitting and waiting for the Universe to deliver the perfect partner, turns out to be much more.
And it underscores perhaps the single greatest weapon to deal with aging alone: social contact.
In Shanghai, they don’t continue to make the trek to the park week after week with no results. They have, instead, discovered the camaraderie that comes with regular meetups.
It’s kind of a beautiful thing. And something amazing could very well occur. When you take your mind off your stated desire and focus in the present moment – in this case, socializing for its own sake – the Universe does deliver up what you want.