Positive Vibes
Simple Steps To Create A Great Third Act
Let’s talk about some strategies for living in our later years or our Third Act, as some call it.
Last week, we featured Janine Vanderburg – a frequent guest and commentator on The Art 2 Aging and a fierce crusader against ageism in the world – on POV, our audio opinion column.
She recalled attending a presentation for age-friendly living spaces that included technology designed to make life easier for older adults. The architect making the presentation boasted of how well-thought out the technology was but concluded by saying he worried that, ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”
Janine Vanderburg took great exception and called him out on it.
The architect’s comment is an example of an entrenched view of what being “old” means. To someone who is not yet there. A view held together with unverified assumptions and wrong-thinking.
So, it was with great interest that I read this story in Saturday’s Washington Post.
Here’s the headline:
These experts on aging, now seniors themselves, see things differently
The story explores what several professionals who have worked with older adults for many years have discovered now that they are older, themselves.
Robyn Golden is 67 and has been a social worker for older adults for years. As the story states, “In her early career, Golden was often inspired by the way her clients tackled new challenges.”
So, when she grew older, she tried to embody the same philosophy, however she made an interesting discovery. She had taken up pickleball but grew impatient with the fact she couldn’t seem to get better at the game. Without realizing it, until a friend pointed out the obvious, she had been trying to compete with players 30 years younger than herself.
Well, no wonder she wasn’t “improving.”
On next week’s POV, you’ll hear from Wayne Lehrer, author of Conscious Aging: The New Third Act. Wayne makes the point that, as older adults, we cannot assume that we can continue to demand of and expect our bodies to continue to perform as before.
In other words, we must recognize that we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
This does not mean that we can’t pursue new physical challenges. It simply means we do so with clear, practical expectations. Call it adapting to reality. What a concept.
Keep Learning
And this idea of moving forward in a realistic way, leads to the next realization about growing older.
The WaPo article relates how Katherine Esty, who holds a PhD in psychology and is aged 90, worked right up until she was 87.
She was worried that she would grow stale in retirement, so she embarked on a study of octogenarians to determine what allowed them to carry on.
What she discovered should have been self-evident: if one has a project or a passion, one lives longer, healthier, and with more happiness and satisfaction.
How often do we hear that? And how often do we nod and say, “that makes total sense”?
In short, keep learning. It’s good for the brain and brings continued personal growth.
Consider Your State of Mind
Life seems to be an endless panoply of challenges that presents in different ways at different stages in our lives. For example, a 22-year old doesn’t normally face the challenge of hearing loss or loss of muscle strength. But a 72-year old very well might.
At all times, life forces us to adapt and as human beings we have the capacity to adapt. The key is this: we can adapt easily by recognizing our strengths and, more importantly, by accepting our age-based physical drawbacks or we can refuse to recognize that, no, we are not 22 any longer, but 72.
However, let’s stress one point: YOUR AGE DOES NOT MATTER.
It’s your state of mind that matters. As it does in all things to do with life and living.
In the event you don’t read the Post story, here’s a final comment. It comes from Ellen Langer, a 78-year old psychology prof at Harvard (what’s left of it, anyway). Langer says one should focus on what one is able to do – not what one is unable to do any longer, echoing Wayne Lehrer’s words in this week’s upcoming POV.
This might sound familiar to those who follow the principles of Buddhism, particularly the principle of practising acceptance. So many of us, this reporter included, need to be reminded of this over and over again.
Acceptance does not mean admitting failure and giving up. Far from it. By accepting where we are and bearing in mind that we can adapt to anything, we can then focus on our next steps forward, firmly placed in a positive frame of mind.
This is not Pollyanna-based thinking wrapped up in fuzzy New Age concepts. Unless you want to believe it is, in which case good luck to you.
Rather it is a realistic way of thinking. It is also a way of living that gives one the best shot of maintaining happiness, peace of mind, and continued enjoyment.
In short, it keeps your heart beating.
For more on how our beliefs shape our lives, listen to this episode of The Art 2 Aging’s podcast series, entitled Clinical Hypnosis and Beliefs, featuring clinical hypnotherapiost, Flavio Iammarino.